The stages of grief

// November 9th, 2009 // Birthday, Kat, Life, Rachel

I just found myself googling the 4 stages of grief only to find out that there are 5. Who knew?

I’m assuming that its normal to bounce around from one stage to the next and back again?

Anyways, here are the four FIVE stages of grief.

1. Denial (Check) and Isolation (No) (Doesn’t that make six stages?)
2. Anger. (Check)
3. Bargaining. (No)
4. Depression. (No. I’m so sad for her and what she will miss out on but I won’t give into depression and miss out on the good moments and the good days)
5. Acceptance. (No)

I can’t imagine the day that the warm sun rises and I actually feel acceptance.

I tried to spend a few moments today imagining what Rachel would do if she were in my shoes. What would be her plan of attack if it were her daughter with this disease. What would she do? Because whatever *that* is, is what I want to be doing. I need to get out of the overwhelming sadness I feel for her and the speechlessness of it. I need to start fundraising so there is never another child lose their eyes, lose their mobility, lose their mind. In Rachel’s honor I need to make a difference.

I changed the “About me” on the top right hand side of the blog to sound a bit more cheery. I don’t feel that cheery yet but I’m hoping to get there. I want to spend my “Kat time” (when I’m not working or with the children) on promoting awareness and fundraising for the www.BDSRA.org.

I start most of these paragraphs with I. I don’t know why.

I have talked about fundraising a few times since July but I don’t know where to get started. I haven’t gotten closer to figuring the “getting started” part in the months since July so I figure I better get started NOW or I might find that 2 years has passed and I’ve done nothing. And doing nothing is simply not an option.

Please email me at mrskatvon@gmail.com or comment if you have fundraising ideas that have worked for you (or someone you know) in the past. Also please contact me if you are willing and able to help. I definitely plan to have a raffle. I also plan to contact Rosie.

Thank you!!!

7 Responses to “The stages of grief”

  1. Susan says:
    11/9/2009 at 10:13 pm

    bouncing around is definitely normal

    I thinkt I pushed a lot of the grief away when Nathan was still alive in order to give him the best possible life in the time he had left.

    I am still bouncing around, over 2 years later. I haven’t progressed, just bouncing. Right now I am just as sad as ever, if not more than any other time – who knows why.

  2. Jess says:
    11/9/2009 at 10:56 pm

    In my classes (I’m going to school to be a nurse) we had to look at the stages of grief in both my psychology and my nurse assistant class. It’s very normal to bounce around and they say some people never make it to the final stage. We have done the denial and isolation and anger. They call them stages but I think they need to re-word that because everyone that goes through them… doesn’t go 1/2/3/4… ya know! Sometimes they start with 3! We are concentrating on the good days! Currently, he might not see much… BUT he hears and can show happiness and we are determined to make as much of his days that way as possible!

  3. Janelle says:
    11/10/2009 at 10:38 am

    I find that I bounce around a fair bit between the stages as well. But the one that I will not give in to is depression. When she was well, Tatyanna sparkled. She radiated this magnetic energy that would draw people in and hold them there. Even now, she makes you feel good just by being around her and has been known to have her entire class giggling hysterically over something that only she thought was amusing. For me, the best way to honour her amazing spirit is to focus positively on what we have at this moment and to keep fighting. Some days are definately harder then others to find the good. As for acceptance, I don’t really know how you get to the point where you accept the beast that is Batten. I’ve accepted that this is our situation, that this is our battle….but I will never stop fighting for my little girl.

  4. Janelle says:
    11/10/2009 at 10:53 am

    please disregard my second almost identical comment (think it’s awaiting moderation atm) The cat jumped on the keyboard and deleted it as it was sending so I didn’t think it went through….and so retyped it. :)

  5. Kat says:
    11/10/2009 at 10:58 am

    Janelle, I tossed the second comment. :) Thank you for coming and writing it out (twice).

  6. JulieC says:
    11/10/2009 at 10:42 pm

    Kat, just letting you know I’m stil following along and wishing you strength. You are an amazing mother to your Julie (and Rachel and Boston and London), if for no other reason, because your head hasn’t simply exploded or started spinning wildly around your neck. You’re still doing fun things with the kids, you are making arrangements and finding resources rapidly as things change, and still manage to write coherently even though you probably aren’t feeling too coherent. You rock. Own it.

  7. lulu says:
    11/12/2009 at 7:39 pm

    Rosie who?

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